Samhain Publishing

You ever feel guilty when you know you should be doing something, but find yourself procrastinating? That’s how I’ve been feeling. Guilty as heck because I’ve not been getting enough writing done.

Ever since I got back from the RT convention in May, it seems like life has conspired to put roadblocks in my way. If it’s not my day job sucking up my time, it’s been health issues in the family. I tell myself I should be able to bulldoze those roadblocks out of my way and get on with it. Nah, not happening. In fact, the harder I try to go against the flow, the more frustrated and guilty I became. I’ve learned it’s a fine line balancing writing for three different publishers. For a while I managed, until these health problems blew up. Then I found I couldn’t get to the computer to write and then I did, I didn’t have the energy. And when I did manage to get some writing done it was absolute drivel, not worth keeping. So I beat myself up even more because I wasn’t producing.

Having my appendix out a couple of weeks ago was like being hit over the head by a two-by-four wooden beam. Lol Alexis had to learn all about patience, and let me tell you, I am the most impatient patient. I’ve had to pace myself, accepting I’m not going to get over this in a few days. And along the way I had to learn that it’s alright to give myself permission to write crap, or not to write at all for a bit. So I didn’t get as many manuscripts finished this year as I would have liked. For the moment, who cares? The stories are still inside me and I will get them written. Just not yet.

And the funny thing is? Once I stopped feeling guilty that I wasn’t producing, I suddenly realised I wanted to write. I actually wanted to sit down and get into a new story. Not because I felt I had to, not because it was expected of me, but because I was excited about a new story idea crawling around inside my brain. And suddenly the words are flowing. I can’t sit at the computer as long as I’d like, but that’s okay, because I know as soon as I have a rest, I’ll be able to jump back into the story.

I write because I love to do it. Because it’s a part of me and I wouldn’t be complete without it. But when the excitement dims and you find yourself trying to force your mind into a mold it just doesn’t want to go in, maybe it’s time to sit back and rethink the whole thing. I want the excitement that goes with creating a new story and if that means I have to take it easier for a little while longer? Guess what? This impatient patient is finally learning all about patience.