My mother likes to say, “Don’t drink alone. It never ends well!” Lately, I’ve come to discover the same can be said for writing. I suspect for some writing might seem like a rather lonely proposition. A person huddled in front of a keyboard, hour after hour, day after day, nothing but the sound of fingers tapping keys to break the silence. And while I do spend a lot of hours by myself in front of the computer, I’m never truly alone.
Shortly after Erotic Research was released, I was approached by another new author, Rhian Cahill, who asked if I’d be interested in forming a critique partnership. I said yes and it was one of the best decisions of my life. Critique partners are a vital part of the writing process because they can be your first line of defense against a rejected submission.
I’ve also been blessed with many other invaluable friendships that have helped me grow as a writer. I joined forces with several others in the business to form a group called International Heat. Fellow Samhain writers, Lexxie Couper, Jess Dee, Jayne Rylon, Lila Dubois, and Anne Rainey are also members, as well as Samhain cover artist, Valerie Tibbs. It’s an incredible group and I’ve learned so much through our shared adventures in the publishing world.
As part of International Heat, we run a blog together and we’ve started a Heat Wave yahoo group. Talking to the readers who hang out there, whether it be about new releases, works in progress or even just life in general is always a bright spot in my day. I love getting feedback from the members and their helpful suggestions have guided my path in terms of new stories and genres.
So if you’re thinking of writing a book, but don’t know if you can do it on your own. Have no fear. You don’t have to. Open yourself up to new friendships and ideas. And don’t write alone. It never ends well.
I love reading how much the authors here interact with each other. I think it’s great that you’ll support and give each other suggestions and ideas. I read many of the authors in your group. A few I haven’t heard of but I will be checking them out.
I found myself joining this group after I became a fan of Ms. Carr’s work and I love the friends that I have made there. It was refreshing to come across people who share the love of good books and genuinely care about your everyday life.
Great advice Mari, I joined IH after reading Jess Dee’s books. Best thing ever, love the new to me authors, meeting other readers who share a similar view point on things is cool too. I’m addicted to reading and Mari’s group help feed my addiction…I love it. LOL
I love all the authors over at Internation Heat. Its the first group I joined and the best thing ever. I’ve met so many great people, not only online but in person. And I wouldn’t change a thing.
Great post, Mari. I used to work with a Critique Partner but when we both got so busy with our own books it kind of fizzled out. She was a friend I personally know and who lives near by. HOW do you go about finding a good (honest, staying-power,) CP online? Its hard to know a person just through emails….
Anyhoo! Congrats on IH, it sounds like a great group!
hugs, Kari Thomas, http://www.authorkari.com
Hi, Mari! LOL on the comparison between drinking and writing
It’s definitely a pleasure being a part of the IH group—I’m not a writer, but I can see how you’d benefit from being better connected and being able to get immediate feedback on stuff 
So many writers have said how solitary writing can sometimes feel, and I imagine having a couple good CPs and a group of readers/fellow authors to rely on can help ease that tremendously!
My two critique partners are worth their weight in gold. Not only do they provide asute critiques during our weekly meetings, but are also amazing at brainstorming. We trust each other, and are great friends besides. I wouldn’t think of writing a book without them.
Hey Mari! Best thing I ever did was send you that first email. grin It’s been over two years now and I have to say it feels like I’ve known you forever. And those thousands of miles between us and the stupid time difference doesn’t seem to have stopped are friendship or partnership from growing stronger. My day wouldn’t be complete without all the wonderful girls at IH or the amazing bunch of people that hang out at Heat Wave. Without those two things I’d probably go around the bend.
Great post.
I used to agree with this but now I don’t so much. Trying to have people in my life who were linked to me because we were both writers or creative people caused my life to spilt in two. I ended up with a “real” life and a “creative” life and the two never seemed to overlap. It was frustrating and very nonproductive.
I don’t ever want to forget to live my “real” life again simply because I was too focused on writing. I think that’s what happens sometimes when we hang out with other creative people. We forget to come back down to Earth every once in a while. I’m not implying that creative people aren’t cool to hang out with but I think that’s where writers’s block comes from a lot of times. We tend to inbreed and we start assuming the whole world operates the way our little creative world does. (And this is just not true.) And then we wake up one day and realize we’ve lost our perspective on everything that used to inspire us because we stayed in one spot for too long.
I rambled here but what I’m trying to say is, as writers we sometimes get too caught up in our little circles and we forget to get out there and experience the things that should be inspiring us to write in the first place. I guess some people like having a second opinion and such but I think you really have to be careful how invasive/persuasive those relationships get.
You also have to make sure you’re getting as much as you’re getting in such situations. As sweet and romantic as I’d like to sound the truth is that many creative relationships are one-sided as rarely are both people equally talented or passionate.
Guess we should sign me, The Bachelorette cause I’ve stopped looking for and don’t want this kind of partner in my life.
Great blog, Mari. International Heat sounds like a fun group, you’ll have to tell me more about it offline.
I agree with your thoughts about writing and connecting with other authors. This writing journey has not only enabled me to follow my passion for writing, but I’ve made some great friends along the way, both readers and writers, some of whom I’ve met in real life.
If it were not for writing and joining groups through publisher and other lists, I never would have met my wonderful, soul friends (as I like to refer to them as). Denise Agnew, Michelina Pagano and Nancy Darryl. Not only are they supportive and honest when it comes to feedback on my work, but we’ve formed a close friendship and share many aspects of our life.
Nancy lives in the same city, so we are able to see each other often and our spouses have also become friends.
Denise and Michelina live in other cities, however, I’ve managed to see them both and hope to meet them both, and plan to again in the near future. With cheap long distance plans, emails and chat features, it feels like they are never far away.
We don’t always talk about writing, and we trust each other a lot to be able to share and get support for other aspects of our life.
I attribute these lifelong soul friendships to writing, because had it not been for the craft, I never would have met such wonderful women.
Thanks Mari for the great blog post today. And thanks to Selena for mentioning me! I’ve truly been blessed to find a critique partner in Selena. Yes, she’s a great friend and we can talk about anything, including things that have nothing to do with writing.
Cristy mentioned getting too into the creative world until you’re not into anything else. I do think that can happen. I believe that can happen with any career. If you balance your life so that you have other interests, it makes certain your entire perspective is more balanced. I have archery (although I haven’t been able to do it as much lately), archaeology, and now paranormal investigation as other things that I do outside of my normal writing career. The other thing a writer should probably remember is that their career in writing isn’t like anyone else’s. It’s unique. There isn’t always a better way to do it than the way you do it. Again, it’s balance. Knowing what works for you is the key to the entire thing.
Balance is everything.
Denise A. Agnew
http://www.deniseagnew.com
Thanks to everyone for taking the time to comment.
Kari—I don’t know if you are member of RWA, but if I recall correctly I think they try to match up interested writers with critique partners. Romance Junkies also has a spot where you can try to find a critique partner. As I said, I sort of lucked into mine. I mentioned wanting one on the Samhain Cafe. Rhian saw it and emailed me off the loop. It actually took us a bit of time to work up to the serious CP part. We chatted a bit through email—turns out we’re the same age, working moms, discovered lots in common. Then we sent bits of work—paragraph here, page there. I’m like you—trust takes time. Sending your work to someone is a like giving someone your debit card number—you wouldn’t do it if you didn’t trust the person COMPLETELY.
Selena and Denise—I’m with you gals. CPs are so important to writing. I’d rather they rip my work apart so I can fix it, rather than have an editor rip it apart and attach it to a rejection!
Cristy – Yahoo groups can be a big time suck. Like eating sweets, they must be done in moderation. I only really participate in one with any regularity because my time is limited. In addition to my writing, I have a day job and two very busy teenagers. My ‘real’ life is a pretty terrific place, but, as Denise said, it is possible to juggle both successfully. I need my ‘creative’ friends because they understand my need to express myself—something that was lacking in my real world until I started writing.
Thanks again to everyone for the comments! Nice to see so many friendly faces.