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Reality and Fiction – M/M and BDSM

By On Aug 19 2012, 12:00 am

In my last post about M/M romance, I talked a bit about fantasy.

Fantasy can be a lot of fun, but it’s important to remember that not all fantasy can translate to reality. With the blooming popularity of books that incorporate BDSM elements, I thought it would be fun to talk a bit about reality vs. fiction.

In Burning Bright, which is now available in print, we wanted to portray the reality of BDSM. Aside from the fact that both of us have played in the scene, we both feel it’s important to show that folks engaged in it are from all walks of life and all flavors of kink. Too many times, submissives are simply portrayed as mousy, spineless people who follow every whim of their tops or, alternatively, are bratty and top from the bottom.

In healthy relationships, there is a back-and-forth of power between the partners. It’s the same in BDSM relationships – the partners simply make the power play overt and negotiate ahead of time. Rather than leaving things unsaid, partners discuss how they want to play and what they’re comfortable with. I’ve found, in fact, that becoming more aware of these dynamics make communication in other, non-kink, relationships more effective.

In what ways have the dynamics in your favorite novels informed your real life? What surprises you about a book?


Check out my other articles on Samhain's Blog: "Why M/M Fascinates Us" | "Writing With a Collaborator – When Two Is Better Than One" | "Have Some Fun with Your Surroundings" | "Who To Write About (When You Can’t Write About Your Friends and Family)" | "Squeezing It In: 5 Tips for the Overstressed Neterati" | "Hate Outlines? Timeline!" | "When In Doubt, Knit"

My links: Blog | Website | Facebook | Twitter | Goodreads | Amazon | LinkedIn | Pandora
Knoontime Knitting: Blog | Facebook | Twitter | Ravelry
Noon and Wilder links: Blog | Website | Facebook
Team Blogs: Nightlight | The Writers Retreat Blog | Beyond the Veil | LGBT Fantasy Fans and Writers

Check out BURNING BRIGHT, available from Samhain Publishing.

Comments

3 Responses to “Reality and Fiction – M/M and BDSM”

  1. I must say that good books about BDSM, both fiction and nonfiction, have led me to believe that folks in any kind of relationship should learn from the communication skills involved in healthy, safe, fulfilling BDSM. One thing that surprises me is that anyone would publish some of the tales I’ve read about unhealthy relationships of any sort. Communication and respect are vital in the types of relationships I want both to have and read about. Thanks for being authors who write those kinds of stories!

    • Thanks, Darla! I’m glad you enjoy them. We work hard to create plausible relationships with plausible problems, as well as modeling ways to get through those problems (or, conversely, what happens when that’s not done). It’s interesting to me to read stories where the author(s) makes a clear effort to figure out “real” relationships.

      And Rachel says, “The tigers are sexy too.”

      Just goes to show… communication in ANY partnership is key. ~grin~

  2. Fisting says:

    Thanks for any other informative web site. The place else could I get that type of information written in such a perfect means? I have a project that I’m just now operating on, and I’ve been on the glance out for such info.

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