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Assholes Are Your Friends

By On Mar 17 2012, 5:35 pm

I wiped out my last blog entry and I'm starting from scratch. That's because my asshole friend just read it and said, “I hate it. Every word of it.”

Specifically, Malbert hated it because he thought I wasn't being myself. And he was right; I wasn't. But now I've got the last laugh because I'm going to spend the rest of this piece talking about the importance of asshole friends.

Why are assholes important? Simply put, you can't trust nice people; you never know where you stand with them. For example: if a nice guy laughs at a joke, is he laughing because it's funny or is he laughing to be nice? If I show a nice guy my manuscript, he'll tell me he likes it because that's just what nice people do. Malbert, on the other hand, will give me his honest opinion. Honesty isn't a trait you find in nice people, and it's probably the most underrated virtue of all time.

All of my characters fall somewhere on the asshole spectrum, and that's what keeps me interested in what they have to say. As a working mother of two, I have to squeeze my writing endeavors into the wee hours of the morning. I can't imagine staying glued to my screen just to hear someone answer "No" to "Do I look fat in this dress?"

Speaking of which, I'm off to put the kids to bed with my asshole husband (who refuses to read my novel because I won't let him do it in the bathroom).


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